Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] I found myself thinking about something over the last few conversations.
[00:00:08] We've been on a journey together.
[00:00:11] We began by talking about becoming.
[00:00:15] Then we asked a question that many of us spend a lifetime trying to answer.
[00:00:21] Who am I?
[00:00:24] Who am I?
[00:00:27] From there, we explored purpose not as something we find, but as something we choose.
[00:00:34] As I reflected on those conversations, I realized something.
[00:00:39] None of those questions matter very much if we never ask another question.
[00:00:47] What is character?
[00:00:50] Maybe that's where the next part of our journey begins.
[00:00:54] For me, character is what we do when no one's watching.
[00:00:59] It's what we do that allows others to believe we are trustworthy.
[00:01:05] It's what we do when we see someone struggle.
[00:01:09] It's what we do to make the world better.
[00:01:13] It's kindness.
[00:01:15] It's authenticity.
[00:01:18] It's love.
[00:01:21] I've also come to realize something else.
[00:01:24] Character isn't built in one great moment.
[00:01:29] It's built one choice, one decision, one act at a time.
[00:01:39] Every act of integrity, every act of kindness, every promise we keep, every excuse we make, every truth we tell, every truth we avoid.
[00:01:57] They're all quietly shaping the framework of our lives.
[00:02:02] They determine not only who we appear to be, but who we choose to become.
[00:02:11] That raises another question.
[00:02:14] Why is choosing the right thing sometimes so difficult?
[00:02:19] As I was thinking about character in all this, I remembered a line I first heard years ago.
[00:02:26] It's from the West Point Cadet prayer. And every time I hear it, I find myself thinking about character.
[00:02:35] Make us choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong.
[00:02:40] And never to be content with a half truth when the whole can be one.
[00:02:47] Maybe character isn't something we claim to have.
[00:02:50] Maybe it's revealed every time we're faced with a harder right and the easier wrong.
[00:02:58] Most of those moments won't seem important at the time.
[00:03:03] No one's going to applaud us.
[00:03:06] No one may ever know what happened.
[00:03:10] But perhaps those are the very moments that quietly shape who we're becoming.
[00:03:17] Who are the people who teach us character?
[00:03:21] Now? You might ask why I ask that question now. It's not because books don't matter.
[00:03:31] They do.
[00:03:32] But books explain character.
[00:03:37] People demonstrate character.
[00:03:41] When I asked myself that question, two people immediately came to mind.
[00:03:47] One was my dad.
[00:03:50] The other was my friend and mentor, Bob.
[00:03:54] When I think about my dad, I don't remember one great speech he gave me about character.
[00:04:02] I don't remember him setting me down and telling me how I should live my life.
[00:04:09] I don't think my dad ever tried to teach me character.
[00:04:15] He simply showed me what it looked like if he said he was going to do something, he did it.
[00:04:22] I never knew him to tell someone he would do something and then not do it.
[00:04:27] He carried himself with confidence, but wrapped in humility.
[00:04:34] I can only remember one time my dad got truly angry with me, and I knew why.
[00:04:43] I'd crossed a line.
[00:04:46] There was punishment, and it was deserved.
[00:04:51] Here's the thing. I don't remember the punishment nearly as much as I remember the words my dad used to explain my actions in a way that I could understand and grow from.
[00:05:06] As we talked about what I'd done, I realized the conversation wasn't really about what I'd done wrong.
[00:05:16] It was about helping me to do better the next time.
[00:05:22] When I think about Bob, I smile.
[00:05:27] He was my boss.
[00:05:29] He was my mentor.
[00:05:32] But more importantly, Bob was my friend.
[00:05:39] Over the years, he taught me things I didn't even realize I needed to know.
[00:05:44] Not just about business, but about people and about life.
[00:05:52] One lesson I still carry with me today involved this statement.
[00:05:59] Praise in public, counsel in private.
[00:06:04] Now I want to tell you about a manager I worked for who didn't follow that model.
[00:06:11] I'd taken a week of personal time to be with my wife when she had surgery.
[00:06:16] I took the day before the surgery and the day of the surgery and then three days afterwards so I could be with her and help take care of her for the next two years.
[00:06:30] That manager kept bringing it up.
[00:06:34] Sometimes in the elevator, sometimes in the work area, sometimes in his office.
[00:06:42] It didn't seem to really matter to him where we were.
[00:06:46] Finally, one day, I'd had enough.
[00:06:50] I went into his office and I asked him if he had a blank time card.
[00:06:55] He said, yeah.
[00:06:57] I said, then fill it out the way you think it should have been filled out and I'll sign it.
[00:07:04] He looked at me and said, that's not necessary.
[00:07:12] I think I probably had a slight smile on my face when I replied, then, we're finished talking about this.
[00:07:22] And we were looking back, I learned something that day.
[00:07:28] Character isn't just about how we treat people.
[00:07:32] Sometimes it's about knowing when to stand up respectfully for what's right.
[00:07:39] Ah, anyway, I digress.
[00:07:42] Back to Bob.
[00:07:45] I watch Bob treat someone working on the help desk with the same respect he showed the president of the company.
[00:07:54] Positions never determined how he treated people.
[00:07:58] Character did.
[00:08:00] When someone walked into his office, he'd smile and say, would you please close the door?
[00:08:07] Then he'd put his phone on do not Disturb.
[00:08:10] He'd close his laptop, and he'd give you his Complete attention.
[00:08:18] It was really a simple thing.
[00:08:21] It probably only took him a few seconds, but it told you something.
[00:08:28] In that moment, you were the most important person in Bob's life.
[00:08:36] Now, when you worked for Bob, you knew he had your back.
[00:08:42] If you made a mistake, he'd take the hit.
[00:08:47] Then he'd help you understand what happened and explain it so it wouldn't happen again.
[00:08:54] But everything he did was always done with respect.
[00:09:02] I watched and learned from Bob's example that respect isn't just something we feel.
[00:09:09] It's something people experience in the way we treat them.
[00:09:14] Maybe that's the question we really have been asking all along.
[00:09:19] How do people around us experience our character?
[00:09:23] I've also come to realize something Character isn't only strengthened by the choices we make.
[00:09:31] Sometimes it's weakened by the choices we ignore.
[00:09:36] Years ago, I came up with something I called my bent nail theory.
[00:09:42] If you've ever built anything, you know that every once in a while, you'll be driving a nail in a board and it bends.
[00:09:53] That happened while I was building a deck.
[00:09:56] Now, it was tempting to just straighten the nail out and drive it all in the board.
[00:10:03] But then I thought about something.
[00:10:06] A straight nail is never as strong as one that was never bent.
[00:10:12] If you drive that nail in that bent nail, eventually you'll end up replacing that whole board.
[00:10:20] I've often wondered if character works the same way.
[00:10:25] The little compromises don't seem like much until one day we discover they were quietly weakening the framework of our lives.
[00:10:39] Maybe that's why character matters so much.
[00:10:43] Not because anyone else is keeping score, but because every choice, every decision, every act is shaping the person we're becoming tonight.
[00:11:01] Before you close your eyes, ask yourself one simple what choice did I make today that strengthened my character?
[00:11:13] And maybe ask this along with it.
[00:11:19] Was there one that quietly weakened my character?
[00:11:23] Because I don't think character's built in extraordinary moments.
[00:11:29] Maybe we're becoming who we are.
[00:11:32] One choice, one decision, one act at a time.
[00:11:43] Until next time, keep imagining the possibilities.
[00:11:49] Take care and live life to the fullest.
[00:11:54] Thanks and God bless.
