Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Over the past couple weeks, I found myself thinking about two Unappreciated and undervalued.
[00:00:12] For some reason, those two words were stuck in my head.
[00:00:16] It was like a song on repeat.
[00:00:19] I couldn't get it out of my head. I couldn't let them go.
[00:00:23] So I decided to ask myself a couple questions.
[00:00:27] Were there times I felt unappreciated?
[00:00:32] Were there times that I felt undervalued?
[00:00:37] Now, I can tell you without a doubt that the answer to both those questions is a resounding yes.
[00:00:46] Here's the thing.
[00:00:48] The more I thought about those two words, the more. The more I realized I discovered the topic for a podcast.
[00:00:56] This podcast.
[00:00:59] Now, I'm fairly sure that we've all felt undervalued or underappreciated more than once in our lives.
[00:01:08] The other thing is that, at least from my experience, it's likely we have occasionally felt both of them at the same time.
[00:01:18] Maybe it was at work.
[00:01:21] We'd helped another team finish a huge project.
[00:01:24] Because of our help, that team was able to turn it in before it was due and under budget.
[00:01:30] After it was turned in, nobody.
[00:01:34] Nobody said a word about my helping them.
[00:01:38] How do you think that made me feel?
[00:01:41] How would it have made you feel?
[00:01:44] The fact is, we can all feel undervalued at work, in a relationship, within our family, when we do something that required a great deal of effort on our part and nobody seemed to notice.
[00:02:05] Or maybe we simply reach a point where whatever we do appears to have no value to anyone.
[00:02:13] Let's talk a bit more about undervalued.
[00:02:17] When we say, I feel undervalued, we're making a comparison.
[00:02:24] We're saying there's a difference between the value we believe we bring to the table and the value someone else seems to place on us.
[00:02:34] Maybe that feeling isn't necessarily a bad thing.
[00:02:39] Now, when I said that out loud, I was like, what?
[00:02:46] Why?
[00:02:48] Why would they even say that?
[00:02:51] Then I thought about it and realized that it could be a signal, a sign.
[00:02:58] It could be telling us that it's time to stop for a moment and take an honest look at. At ourselves.
[00:03:06] This is a PSA public service announcement. If you're driving, sailing, flying, or about to bungee jump or any of a thousand other things that need your complete attention, just wait until you get home all safe and sound before you do the following things.
[00:03:27] If none of those apply, let's get to it.
[00:03:32] Grab a piece of paper and a pen and write these questions down.
[00:03:38] What have I done?
[00:03:40] What have I accomplished?
[00:03:42] What Have I learned?
[00:03:45] Who have I helped?
[00:03:48] What problem have I solved?
[00:03:51] What have I become better at?
[00:03:54] What difficult things have become easier because I've spent years learning how to do them.
[00:04:01] What difference have I made in somebody else's life now? This exercise isn't about proving someone else wrong.
[00:04:12] It's not about building a case so we can say, see, I told you I was valuable.
[00:04:19] It's about getting an accurate picture of ourselves.
[00:04:25] And maybe when we're finished, we can look at that piece of paper and quietly say, I'm all right now.
[00:04:34] What we wrote down doesn't mean we're perfect.
[00:04:38] It doesn't even mean we have become excellent for us. It means that we're all right.
[00:04:48] Nothing more, nothing less.
[00:04:52] The fact is, maybe there are things we need to work on.
[00:04:56] Maybe there's things that we could have done better.
[00:05:00] Maybe we've made a mistake.
[00:05:03] Maybe we've even been expecting recognition for something we accomplished years ago instead of asking what we're contributing to today.
[00:05:14] Taking an honest inventory means being willing to see those things, too.
[00:05:19] But it also means we're not diminishing the things we've done.
[00:05:24] Sometimes we undervalue ourselves.
[00:05:29] We look at something we're good at and think, anybody could do that.
[00:05:35] Could they?
[00:05:37] Maybe something seems easy for us because we've spent years learning how to do it.
[00:05:45] Experience has a strange way of making difficult things look simple.
[00:05:52] What takes someone else an hour may only take us 10 minutes.
[00:05:57] What looks like a simple decision may be the results of years of experience.
[00:06:04] The answer to what sounds like a simple question may come from wisdom gained over a lifetime.
[00:06:13] Sometimes enormous value can exist in something that looks remarkably small.
[00:06:20] I remember having a conversation with a friend.
[00:06:24] This was when I was considering moving to another job within the same company.
[00:06:30] I was a team lead, and I was concerned about what would happen to the team if I left.
[00:06:38] My friend gave me an interesting piece of advice.
[00:06:42] He told me that when I got home, I should get a bucket, fill it with water, stick my arm in it, and stir the water as much as I wanted.
[00:06:57] Then he said, pull your arm out of the bucket and the hole that's left is. In that water is how much you'll be missed the next day.
[00:07:08] I thought about that story many times over the years.
[00:07:12] At first it sounded pretty harsh.
[00:07:15] But maybe the lesson isn't that we don't matter.
[00:07:20] Maybe the lesson is that we shouldn't confuse being valuable with being indispensable.
[00:07:28] I moved to that new job.
[00:07:31] The company continued.
[00:07:33] The team kept operating as normal as Usual, someone picked up where I left off.
[00:07:42] But none of that erased what happened while I was there.
[00:07:46] Maybe that's what really matters.
[00:07:50] If we're going to add value to another person's life, our goal shouldn't be to make ourselves indispensable.
[00:07:59] Because if someone can't succeed without us, have we really helped them to become better?
[00:08:07] Or have we simply helped them to become dependent upon us?
[00:08:12] There's a big difference between being needed and adding value.
[00:08:19] Sometimes being needed can make us feel valuable.
[00:08:23] But perhaps real value is helping someone become more capable, more confident, and better prepared.
[00:08:32] Even if that eventually means they don't need our help anymore.
[00:08:37] I remember an experience that made me think about all this.
[00:08:41] I was having a problem fixing a copier.
[00:08:45] It finally got to the point that I had to request a regional tech.
[00:08:50] Now he had to fly in to help me with his copier problem at the customer location.
[00:08:56] He had to fly all the way across the state of Tennessee and drive a couple hours to get up to the customer location.
[00:09:03] When he arrived, I showed him the problem.
[00:09:07] He opened the COVID of the copier and did something while blocking my view.
[00:09:14] Whatever he did solved the problem.
[00:09:18] It probably took him all of 60 seconds.
[00:09:22] Now we had an air flight, a hotel room, and all that involved in the cost of a 60 second fix.
[00:09:30] I asked him to show me what he'd done.
[00:09:34] His response was really simple.
[00:09:37] No.
[00:09:39] Ask him again. He said, no, ask. I'm not showing you.
[00:09:44] If I did that, it would steal my thunder.
[00:09:48] I think I know what he meant.
[00:09:50] Maybe.
[00:09:52] I told him that I hoped he enjoyed his flight over, hoped he enjoyed his hotel room, hoped he enjoyed his drive up.
[00:10:03] I also told him the next time I ran into the problem, I'd be calling him again to make the same exact trip.
[00:10:12] When I look back, I wondered what was really happening in that moment.
[00:10:17] Maybe knowing something I didn't know helped him feel valuable.
[00:10:24] If he showed me what he knew, I might not need him the next time I ran into the same problem.
[00:10:31] And perhaps at least to him, not being needed meant not being valued or appreciated.
[00:10:40] What if we looked at helping someone in a different way?
[00:10:45] What if the purpose of what we know isn't to make sure we continue to be needed?
[00:10:52] What if the purpose is to help them become better?
[00:10:56] If I help someone grow, personally, professionally or spiritually, and they become better because of something I shared with them, then I've accomplished something that matters to me.
[00:11:10] Maybe my goal isn't to leave a hole that nobody else can fill.
[00:11:15] The truth is my goal is leaving people better prepared to fill that hole.
[00:11:20] And that kind of brings me this second word that was stuck in my head that morning.
[00:11:26] Unappreciated.
[00:11:28] Being valued and being appreciated aren't the same thing.
[00:11:33] We can be valuable and still be unappreciated.
[00:11:37] Think about the dependable person, the person who's always there.
[00:11:43] The person who listens.
[00:11:45] The person who helps.
[00:11:48] The person who quietly fixes things before anyone even realizes they're broken.
[00:11:53] At first, people appreciate that person.
[00:11:57] But it seems that something interesting happens over time.
[00:12:04] Consistency can become expectation.
[00:12:08] What once caused someone to say thank you eventually becomes something they simply assume is going to happen.
[00:12:16] The person who always solves the problem becomes the person everyone assumes will always solve the problem.
[00:12:26] The person who always helps becomes the person everyone assumes will help.
[00:12:34] The person who's always there becomes the person everyone assumes will always be there.
[00:12:40] But maybe appreciation is happening around us in ways we don't always recognize.
[00:12:47] Someone asks for our opinion.
[00:12:51] Someone trusts us with something important.
[00:12:54] Someone calls because they need to talk.
[00:12:58] Someone remembers something we taught them years ago.
[00:13:03] Someone asked us to help them learn something.
[00:13:07] Somebody tells us something that we said that made a difference in their personal, professional, or spiritual lives.
[00:13:18] Someone simply says thank you.
[00:13:23] Maybe we've become so focused on the times we weren't appreciated that we overlook the times we are.
[00:13:31] And perhaps that's worth taking an inventory of too.
[00:13:35] So I have another little exercise I'd like you to do.
[00:13:40] Grab another piece of paper and that same pen.
[00:13:44] I want you to make what I'm going to call a reverse bucket list.
[00:13:52] A reverse bucket list, A traditional bucket list asks us to think about all the things we still want to do.
[00:14:03] This one asks us to look in the other direction.
[00:14:07] Write down the things we've accomplished.
[00:14:11] They don't necessarily have to be big things.
[00:14:15] They don't have to be things that would appear on a resume.
[00:14:21] Maybe you raised a family.
[00:14:23] Maybe you helped a neighbor, cared for someone who needed you.
[00:14:28] Taught somebody something, kept a promise with when it was difficult to keep.
[00:14:35] Encourage someone who needed encouragement.
[00:14:38] Listen when somebody desperately needed someone to talk to.
[00:14:43] Helped another person become a little better.
[00:14:47] Write those things down.
[00:14:50] Everything you can think of.
[00:14:52] Then make another list.
[00:14:55] Write down the ways people shown you that you you're appreciated.
[00:15:00] Maybe someone thanked you.
[00:15:02] Maybe someone trusted you.
[00:15:05] Maybe they asked for your advice.
[00:15:08] Maybe someone came back years later and told you something you did had an influence in their life.
[00:15:16] Maybe they didn't use the words I appreciate you, but when you look back now, you realize that's exactly what they were telling you.
[00:15:28] Now, these lists aren't for anyone else.
[00:15:32] They're just for you.
[00:15:35] And you're not making the list to prove how wonderful you are.
[00:15:42] You're not making the list to prove somebody else is wrong.
[00:15:48] You're simply taking an honest look at your life.
[00:15:52] When you're finished, maybe put the list away for a few days, then come back and read it again.
[00:16:01] Don't just read the words. Think about what they're telling you.
[00:16:05] You've accomplished things.
[00:16:08] You've learned things.
[00:16:10] You've helped people.
[00:16:12] You've made a difference.
[00:16:14] And you've probably been appreciated in more ways than you truly realize.
[00:16:20] Maybe when you're finished with this list, you'll be able to look at that piece of paper and simply say, I'm all right.
[00:16:32] I'm all right.
[00:16:34] But there's one more thing I hope you'll remember.
[00:16:39] You're not finished.
[00:16:41] Your journey isn't over.
[00:16:44] There's still things you can accomplish.
[00:16:47] There's still things you can learn.
[00:16:50] There's still people whose lives you can touch.
[00:16:54] There's still opportunities to help someone become better.
[00:16:58] And there's still possibilities you haven't even imagined yet.
[00:17:04] So hold on to those pieces of paper, because as you continue your journey, your reverse bucket list will continue to grow.
[00:17:16] Until next time, stay humble, be kind, love unconditionally, and laugh often.
[00:17:27] Remember that your future belongs to you.
[00:17:30] And never forget these things. You are enough, you are worthy, and you are seen as always.
[00:17:42] Start your day with imagining the possibilities.
[00:17:47] I wish you much success.
[00:17:50] Have a super day, and I pray that God blesses you in a super way.
[00:17:57] Thanks again, and God bless.
